Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with the tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.
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2012 Democrat National Convention Schedule of Events
- 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
- 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATION
- 7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
- 7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
- 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
- 7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Darryl Hannah
- 8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
- 8:30 pm WHY FOURTH TRIMESTER ABORTIONS MATTER - Barbara Boxer
- 8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barbara Boxer
- 9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
- 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN AND MUAMMAR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
- 9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
- 10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon
- 10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Cher
- 10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
- 11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
- 11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon's Rack
- 11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
- 12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
- 12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Jessica Alba
- 12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- 12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
- 12:55 am Barack Obama ACCEPTS NOMINATION, GRAMMY, AND TONY AWARDS
- 1:15 am THE TRUE STORY: HOW I KILLED BIN LADEN - Barack Obama
- 1:25 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
- 1:30 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
- 1:55 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Mitt McRyan
- 2:00 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home